Today’s Hangover:
DEGENERATE PRIME MINISTER THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROGE PRESENTS: THE TOP 10 HOTTEST FURRY FEMALES
HO-HO-HO-HELLO for the holidays! The furry community is getting nice and toasty in their fursuits, and what better way to celebrate the holidays than to get under the blankets and cuddle up with a fluffy babe with a smokin' pile of fur! Don't get too jealous, because I got TEN bodacious females that are gonna make you drop your jaw and make you sound like a human airhorn! Grab yourself a cereal straw and a hot glass of chocolate syrup, because these hot mamas are going to make you slurp up your drink in TEN SECONDS FLAT!
NUMBER TEN: ELORA THE FAUN FROM SPYRO THE DRAGON
What more can you say about this frantic female faun? She's got ears that make her look like a goat on steroids, and her dress is as big as three palm leaves! I didn't know they made eye shadow in Spyro Land, but am I glad they did! She may not be the fluffiest deer on this list, but she sure has the legs to wrap herself around my heart! This beauty queen may only be number ten, but in terms of height-to-deer ratio, this girl is NUMBER ONE!
NUMBER NINE: MASTER TIGRESS FROM KUNG-FU PANDA
She's mastered martial arts, she's mastered my heart! This strong and seductive tiger woman has a bad-ass attitude and the thighs to match! Watch out for her furry feet, because she's coming to kick some BUTT! This mistress of the night has a sleek sense of fashion and eyes that make your tummy rumble! Keep your paws on that keyboard, because you won't be seeing the last of THIS tigress!
NUMBER EIGHT: DOCTOR NICOLE WATTERSON FROM THE AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALL
Have you ever wanted a long-legged mommy who's got the brains of a doctor and the skin colour of the Hawaiian sky? Then Doctor Nicole Watterson is the doctor for you! Watch out for this tall drink of water, because in the babe department, she's NO joke! She's got the tummy of an athlete and the calves of a long distance marathon runner! Those paws can step all over me all night long! She's got smarts, and those eyes will pierce straight into your soul! I hope that badge stays on her shirt, because she won't need it where we're going!
NUMBER SEVEN: RAINBOW DASH FROM MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC
Someone call the Cloudsdale Police, because we got a back-up on AISLE NINE! This girl's got attitude, she's got swagger, and she's got those rainbow feathers to match! You may think she plays for the other team, but ladies and gentlecolts: this mare is on the market! With those strong thighs and BADASS purple eyes, I wouldn't mind if she takes me under her wing! Just make sure you don't have a fear of heights, because this firebrand will lift you straight off your hooves!
NUMBER SIX: NEPETA LEIJON FROM HOMESTUCK
She may not be the most motherly of all the matrons, but this kitty has CLAWS! She may look like a cute and innocent bundle of alien skin, but she's gonna troll you with her revelations! Not only does she live in a cave, but she's also a master huntress who stalks her prey and paints with their blood! Talk about HARDCORE! You may not think she's got fur, but she'll pounce all over you like a cat and treat you like a ball of kitty litter! Don't get caught in her trap, or else you'll end up as a tasty meal inside her tummy!
NUMBER FIVE: SABLE ABLE, MABEL ABLE, AND LABEL ABLE FROM ANIMAL CROSSING
Holy Moly! Is that my wallet crying, or do we have a THREE-FOR-ONE SPECIAL on the sexy sister sorority? These sisters have so many spikes on their hair that you can't hold them all in one shopping bag! You already know the mauve one has got it going on, but let's talk about that blue babe with the brown bombshell! Those aprons make them look PRACTICALLY NAKED! I wouldn't want to get behind these seductive seamstresses, because when you mess with the spikes, you get the horns!
NUMBER FOUR: MILLA BASSET FROM FREEDOM PLANET
She's a got a love for companionship and a fascination with locks of hair, which makes her the perfect puppy bunny to pick up and hang around! Those crazy cubes of hers will make a staircase straight to my heart! Watch out for her bangles, because they aren't as soft as her floppy ears and sweet tail! Make sure you keep hounding this adorable stack of glue, because she's one stray animal you DON'T want to let out of your grip!
NUMBER THREE: LOPUNNY THE POKEMON FROM POKEMON
All I gotta say for this one is: HAMANA HAMANA HAMANA!!! Just LOOK at those RABBIT THIGHS! Her paws may be small, but she makes up for in car crashes, because she's got that REAR END DEPARTMENT! This bipedal creature can do it all! She can take care of you, be your servant, and high jump kick all the boys in the backyard! Watch out for that long stretch of belly, because when you get lost in that brown fur, you'll never come back!
NUMBER TWO: TORIEL DREEMURR FROM UNDERTALE
True badness is never invented. It is born. When the shock and awe of carefully constructed kusoge is brought down by the coordinated campaign of reasoned analysis and cultural context, we find that the only specimens strong enough to survive our corecore deluge of triple-buffered cringe compilations are those irradiated from the womb. The meek inherit the earth because they have no social standing. The born-again scene kids know the frailty of their external appraisals, and their aesthetics are curated for the approval of anonymous peers.
Yet those first-born babies of the pre-ironic zeitgeist have no such conceptions, where "new sincerity" is a foreign term and memes are fresh for decades. For these folks, it's been 2005 for the past twenty years. Sonic babes and DeviantART edits are the cultural heritage of collective arrested development. They do it, unbelievably, because they like it. We erect ourselves as the tastemakers of the internet. What good is our gatekeeping when the kids are all sat on the sidewalk playing with ponies?
Is it noble to be cool and chained, or better to be cringe and free?
NUMBER ONE: LOLA BUNNY FROM SPACE JAM
AWOOOOOOOOOOGA!!! Someone call Bugs Bunny, because this man is one LUCKY DOG! Lola Bunny has got it going ON! She's got a butt that just won't quit, and a fashion sense that makes her into a tomboy above par! Her huge paws are great for running around the court, and she can slam dunk into MY net if you know what I mean! If you're a red-blooded American male, and you don't get a stiffy from this lady, slap yourself in the nuts because you are GAY!!!
HONOURABLE MENTIONS:
I need a bellyjob so fucking bad
Monthly Hangovers:
May 2021 Hangovers ―
The final Hangovers that will ever be published. ☞
April 2021 Hangovers ―
So what if my month is humid? I have flowers and shit! ☞
March 2021 Hangovers ―
Lousy Smarch weather. Stupid partly-cloudy sunshine. ☞
February 2021 Hangovers ―
Snow on the bluff like a bad hand of poker. ☞
January 2021 Hangovers ―
Ah, shit. Here we go again. ☞
December 2020 Hangovers ―
Live for the darkness and find joy in the moon’s waning light. ☞
November 2020 Hangovers ―
The twilight of our lives is upon us, awaiting winter’s dusk. ☞
July 2020 Hangovers ―
Grab your beach balls and tiddy books. It’s gonna be a long summer. ☞
May 2020 Hangovers ―
It’s been one year since Frogesay launched! We learned nothing. ☞
April 2020 Hangovers ―
Featuring not only the Weed Day, but the Weed Month! Also plague. ☞
March 2020 Hangovers ―
April showers bring May flowers. But it’s March, so it doesn’t matter. ☞
February 2020 Hangovers ―
Celebrating the numerically meaningless milestone of 2020-02! ☞
January 2020 Hangovers ―
Now that we’re in Blade Runner times, I get to upload my opinions on the Information Superhighway. ☞
December 2019 Hangovers ―
I have finally received the greatest gift I can ask for: infinite rage. ☞
November 2019 Hangovers ―
It’s like bootleg winter but with less cheer and more crotchety old veterans. ☞
October 2019 Hangovers ―
Ignore the previous comment. I’m not done, after all. Not yet! ☞
September 2019 Hangovers ―
I am back, I am SO back, and I already feel done with it. ☞
July 2019 Hangovers ―
It’s the seventh lucky month, and it’s hot, hot, hot! Just like yours truly, of course. ☞
May 2019 Hangovers ―
Feeling a little too alive? Let the tide of Spring whisk you away into your grave. ☞
All my other crap:
Imperfect Vision ―
Froge’s My Little Pony fanfiction, despite all odds, which is actually pretty good. ☞
Solstice Anarchist ―
An unfinished novel draft I created, reflected on, and now publicly shame. ☞
The Forever Failures of the Cult of Self Improvement ―
Taking down the snake oil salesmen, one bad YouTube video at a time. ☞
NFTs are a Failure at Every Single Level ―
Analysing astonishing abuses of speculative technology, like a fag. ☞
The 2020 Frogesay Really Heckin’ Arbitrary Game Awards! ―
What an excellent year to review some of UNDERTALE SUCKS. ☞
4chan: A Song of Kek and Cringe ―
A brief history of 4chan and all the stupid memes within. ☞
Just Another Failed First Chapter ―
Here I reveal to you my greatest sin: making a mediocre novel opener. ☞
Tumblr: A Stupid Written Oral History ―
What is Tumblr? Where do I fit into it? And why was I so gay and horny? ☞
Froge Will Die on May 20, 2021 ―
This post announces my plans for the retirement of the Froge persona. ☞
The Morning After ―
Let’s talk about existential crises! Hooray! ☞
What the Bloody Hell is Google Stadia? ―
It’s not good. But you knew that already, didn’t you? ☞
Japanese Animes: The Icon of Sin ―
The anime community doesn’t suck. You suck. Note that I do not suck. ☞
Sminsmorious Basterds ―
A long, weird, discussion with myself. ☞
Walker Review: Zero Stars ―
A movie in the Criterion Collection that’s as bad as Freddy Got Fingered. ☞
Shazam! Review: One Star ―
Another movie in the DC Cinematic Universe ― oh, it’s dead now. ☞
A Beautiful Mind Review: Two Stars ―
Am I disabled enough for this movie, or do I need to bring out the hammer? ☞
Green Book Review: Three Stars ―
It’s more about black and white than it is green. ☞
Apollo 11 Review: Four Stars ―
The movie, not the spaceship. The spaceship was pretty good, too. ☞
Dark Souls: I Don’t Like It ―
The Dark Souls of reviews about Dark Souls. ☞
Angery About Copyright ―
Someone is WRONG on the Internet, and so I must destroy them. ☞
What Doth Stars Mean? 2? ―
My old reviewing system was bad. I’m replacing it with a new one I’ll never use. ☞
Writing ―
There sure is! Here I talk about how to do that. If you want to. That is. ☞
Fuck Kotaku ―
Fuck Kotaku. ☞
Illegal Streaming: Good For The Soul! ―
Pirates are doing good things for the Internet. You should support them. ☞
Lemon Demon ― Spirit Phone ALBUM REVIEW ―
In which I parody Anthony Fantano and have a little crisis over meme music. ☞
The 2019 Frogesay Still Arbitrary Game Awards! ―
Wanna hear my opinions on 29 different video games? Wanna hear them again? ☞
The 2019 Solstice Recollection! ―
It’s time to brush off the sins of my past through a simple Solstice cleansing. ☞
Froge’s Dissertation on Criticism ―
A long article about my philosophy on being a critic. No, it’s not funny. ☞
Your Violent, Paranoid Delusions will get you Killed ―
Let’s talk about self-defence, and why what you know about it is WRONG. ☞
Hearthstone Sucks and Blizzard are Cunts ―
A polite and reasoned discussion on Blizzard being malicious twats. ☞
Linux: It That Betrays ―
Something broke on my machine, so that means EVERYONE hates Linux now. ☞
I’m Racist Now ―
I’m sorry to all my fans, but I have to come clean: I’m bisexual — I mean I’m racist. ☞
Halloweeny Musings ―
Featuring the inexorable passage of time. And dread. ☞
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Review: One Star ―
This is a rather silly movie that I didn’t like very much. ☞
Kotaku Sucks my Fat Froge Nuts ―
They actually have cloacas — oh, never mind. Watch me fuck this low-hanging fruit. ☞
Pixar Censors Boobies and that’s Terrible ―
Once upon a time, there was a plastic doll with large breasts… ☞
Putting to Rest an Uneasy Season ―
I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I might as well keep on doing it. ☞
And Here I Am Again ―
It turns out I didn’t write that novel after all. ☞
And Off I Go Again ―
I’m writing another novel. This means I’m not writing here. Oh, the tragedy! ☞
Short Talks on Bad Fandoms ―
Extensive analysis has determined that, yep, this is cringe, bro. ☞
Shaming the HTTP Zealots ―
You would think people who publish on the Internet would know how the Internet works. ☞
Defending Kiwi Farms and Christchurch ―
That’s it! I’m done with the façade! I’m joining the alt-right, RIGHT NOW! ☞
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World Review: Two Stars ―
That’s a rather long title for a rather short and unremarkable kid’s movie. Which I watched. Somehow. ☞
I Have Come Back to Beg ―
I didn’t end up writing that novel. I’m now writing another one. Yes, I’m serious. ☞
See You Later, Idiots ―
I’m leaving for June. See you in a month! ☞
Froge Finds the Jay Z Song ―
Jay Z makes music. He no longer has to as I found his one and only song. ☞
Fantastic Planet Review: Three Stars ―
The only cartoon to feature dozens of naked ladies while still staying classy. ☞
Alien Review: Four Stars ―
Time to review one of the most beloved science fiction films ever made. ☞
Reddit is a Scourge and must be Purged ―
Froge goes onto the Reddit front page and gets angry at things! He then throws up and cries. ☞
What Does Froge Say? ―
My half-assed “about” page where I explain what has already been explained about my cult. ☞