Hangover Archives: 2021–01
Did you think I was dead for not posting since Christmas? You are fools. You’re ALL fools!
Also domestic terrorists stormed the USA Capitol and attempted an armed insurrection against a democratically-elected party after being urged to riot by an authoritarian president in the final two weeks of his tenure. But since they were White, only four people died, as opposed to several hundred newly-minted martyrs if those uppity Negroes tried anything. You would think domestic terrorism would be enough to make those 70,000,000 God-loving Americans who voted for Herr Donald reconsider their support of the party that enables him, but one party’s terrorism is another patriotism, and what’s a little coup between comrades?
So, there’s a lot to talk about with this event. The first of all being, uh, come the fuck on. This is really what the United States has come to. Literal fucking coups. The mask isn’t even on at this point; it’s been gathering dust in the broom closet like last year’s Halloween decorations and the skeletons of immigrant children in Trump’s concentration camps. Conspiracy theorists have spent the last four years rubbing their hands together and licking their lips in anticipation of a civil war, and now that we have literal fucking coup attempts in the equation, this is all we have to show for it? A half-assed riot dispersed in four hours? No arson, no murder, two measly pipe bombs, and less property damage than a Smash Brothers salt compilation? And Congress reconvened after the feds secured the building without firing live ammunition into hordes of protesters? They couldn’t even overthrow democracy for four stinking hours. This isn’t a civil war. This is a glorified frat party without the obligatory keg chug.
Even so, it bears repeating: come the fuck on. We all knew the United States was a shithole country in the decades before Trump’s reign of terror, but at least the two parties took turns playing with the lives of 330,000,000 American citizens, enacting slightly different shades of the most unfettered capitalism on Earth and pretending to uphold the veil of democracy. This is like Trump bringing his Wii to the family dinner then taking it back when he kept losing in Mario Party. Disconnecting the AV cables should only come after you’ve bitched about all the button-mashing minigames, and enacting a literal fucking coup against the United Fucking States of America should only be done once you have the military wherewithal to storm the chambers and shoot the opposition. All Trump got was some trashy White dudes wearing “Blacks For Trump” shirts getting shitfaced in the Senate, who only got in because the cops moved the barricades and took selfies with the terrorists. Armed terrorists had the tacit approval of law enforcement to storm government grounds, and what did they do? Hang around for a few hours, then piss off without complaint. It’s like your little brother hanging around your bedroom when you’re in the bathroom. Except with insurrection.
In an unusual act of bravery and courage on par with those brave law enforcers who gave up their lives in service of taking selfies with rioters, Twitter banned Trump’s account for inciting domestic terrorism. For twelve hours. I guess inciting domestic terrorism isn’t worthy of a permanent ban compared to the crime of posting GIFs of the Olympics. Oh wait, Facebook is over here pulling out the big guns, banning Trump’s account for a whopping twenty-four hours. That’s 100% more than Twitter! You see, we care about the health of democracy twice as much as the other multi-billion-dollar company! An independent social media website allowing domestic terrorists to organise a literal fucking coup on their platforms because literal fucking coups provide more ad revenue than there not being a literal fucking coup sounds like cold cyberpunk satire, but no. This is just reality. We live in this timeline.
It’s interesting to think about how this confluence of capitalism and politics has made it so the social media platforms which enable these organised terrorist activities are incentivised to allow any type of content on them that puts eyes and accounts on their platforms for the sake of gathering user data and making profit from them, yet are condemned by the ruling party of the country they reside in for not making their platforms a safe space for whatever fake-news propaganda the Party wants to spread, while simultaneously being put under pressure by that same party for failing to censor opinions that are damaging to their chances of re-election. So the Republicans simultaneously want a platform which allows all forms of speech, except when the speech disagrees with their sense of self-righteousness, and wants social media platforms to be unable to police their websites, except when they’re policing them in favour of the Party, and to do all this while still making it appear like their platforms are bastions of free speech. And the Republicans want to condemn China for doing the same thing.
You’d think after all the blatantly illegal, corrupt, unconstitutional, and schizophrenic actions the Trump administration have undertaken during their Great Leap Forward, transforming the Republican party into an entity with no values beyond obstructing the progress of the Democratic party, they’d throw away the façade of representing anything the United States stands for and just take control of Twitter and Facebook as government properties. What, a government forcibly taking control of privately-owned businesses sounds like socialism? No, that’s just good old capitalist know-how and pulling the government up by its bootstraps, and besides, it’s only socialist if foreign countries do it. The GOP would get full control of all information that goes in-and-out of their platforms, continue to spread their propaganda in addition to their existing cartel of right-wing media properties, and ban everyone who complains, just like Papa Winnie and the rest of the Reds. Better yet, why stop at social media? Why not take control of all the nation’s Internet infrastructure and dictate all the information that gets to be spread, just like far-right social media platforms are already volunteering as acts of service to the Party? Who’s gonna stop the Republicans? Democracy doesn’t matter in the USA, and even if it did, it’s not like 70,000,000 Trumptards are going to vote third-party. Oh, that sounds like fascism? Yes, of course it does, just like enacting a LITERAL FUCKING COUP.
How long will we play this game? How long are we going to pretend that conservatism is anything more than a violent shell of extremist interests that rebel against social progress out of no greater motivation than fear and hate? How long will social media platforms allow their opinions to be spread out of a false obligation for balance between minorities protesting in defence of their lives and majorities enacting armed riots against democratically-elected institutions? How long will we pretend that democracy can co-exist with individuals who have made it their mission to question, to erode, and eventually destroy the systems and processes which make it so that terrorism is never an acceptable response to fair elections? There is no negotiating with terrorists, and for Internet platforms to continue to air the messages of a party which supports the overthrow of a country which elects entities unfavourable to its interests shows the lows a capitalist will stoop to in pursuit of the almighty dollar includes supporting treason against the democratic government which allows it to profit at all.
Don’t argue with conservatives. Don’t argue with terrorism. Don’t stoop to their level. Make your principles known, have faith in your country, vote for progressive parties, and don’t debate the merits of armed insurrection. Don’t even read the words of conservatives; their actions speak for themselves. Don’t fill your head up with their garbage, and don’t pretend you’re being informed by being party to misinformation. Live your life with the peace that not all ideas are equal, you’re seen the evidence presented by both sides, and you’ve chosen the side with a respect for human rights, human dignity, and fair opportunity for all human beings on the merits of their character and not on how well they weaponise fear. And if this advice seems a little extreme…
…a literal fucking coup isn’t?
Guys, I never thought it would come to this, but given the circumstances between me and the Neocities userbase, I feel this is the best response I could create, uh, given the recent events that occurred a few days ago, about that Hangover I wrote on January 7. I didn’t mean to cause any offence, and, you know I have to be the bigger man about this scenario, so I guess I have to make this Hangover and apologise for what I’ve done, for those who were offended over that Hangover, even though, again, I didn’t mean to offend you, so I’m sorry if you were, but here I am. And I’ve been thinking really hard over the past twenty-four hours over what to say, like I even turned my phone off so I could concentrate harder, and just to get those right words out. I didn’t think I would have to do this, I mean the drama has really gotten out of control over the past day or so, and I never thought this would happen to me, the whole situation is just… out of control, so I want to put out this Hangover and clear up some of the questions I’ve been getting, and just try to have a constructive dialogue about things, and, uh, clear up my position on a few things and just have a conversation.
So I guess what I’m trying to say here, is uh, I’m sorry, for that Hangover and for people who took it too seriously, like I’m pretty sure most people saw it as a joke and I want to thank the Froge Gang for backing me up on Twitter, and for being the bigger man about this. I think the haters took what I said a little too seriously, and you guys are the best, the Froge Gang is really taking over these days and we’re doing our best to show off what Frogesay is all about, with like the brand and the merch and so on, and I want to thank you for continuing to support the website with all the shirts and the buttons and so on, you can hit the link down below if you want to check out the FINAL week of our New Year’s sale, use the affiliate code #FrogeGang for 20% off your first order. And basically, I’m being honest when I say I’m sorry and I just want this whole, uh, drama to be behind me. Like this event has taken over my life, even my girlfriend wouldn’t talk to me after that Hangover I did where she told me she’s pregnant, and like I was going to break up with her anyway but I wanted to do it on my own terms, so you know that kind of ruined the next Hangover I was going to do.
Like, the moment I knew this drama was out of control was when I posted that Hangover to my Neocities page, and I made this update, you know to get the word out about the brand, and I’m just going to quote it here so nobody takes it out of context, I’ve been seeing a lot of people on Twitter and Facebook making fake screencaps, or if they’re not fake they’re out of context or like not realising it was basically a social experiment for my fans, it’s even gotten to my Discord server with the Froge Gang asking about the drama, you can use the room code “frogegang” if you want to join that. And I said on January 7, “Armed terrorists stormed the United States capitol and attempted to overthrow a democratic election, OMEGALUL. This is actually a harrowing and frightening example of democratic backsliding and the failures of a party base of predominantly uneducated extremists and the party which finds it politically profitable to support their behaviour. But that’s not funny, so OMEGALUL”.
Guys, you know this was out of character for me, I never get involved in politics, and I thought because of that it would be okay to post this, and like even laugh about all the events in the United States, and I realise now that I’m sorry for doing that, it was really inappropriate to post that without making it clear it was a joke. I mean I didn’t even get involved in Black Lives Matter and all that, even though some of the best Froge Gang fans are Black, and you know the events leading up to the, uh, United States thing happening was basically the same as Black Lives Matter with the riots and such, uh, I mean it’s just my opinion that All Lives Matter, but I never say that on the blog because I try not to get political outside the dedicated Discord channel, I never even put up any tee-shirts for like Hillary or Trump back when that was happening, and ever since then I’ve been trying to make a change, like become a changed man, and I’m really sorry for everyone who didn’t realise what was happening when I posted that.
I realise now it was really inappropriate to say that people, uh, storming the United States Capitol and attempting an armed insurrection against a democratically-elected party after being urged to riot by an authoritarian president in the final two weeks of his tenure were domestic terrorists who are so entrenched in the politics of fear and hatred spread by the Republican party ever since their enactment of the Southern Strategy during Nixon’s campaign in 1968 and in particular the months of baseless claims of election fraud by Donald Trump himself that they consider the enactment of a literal coup d’état to be a preferable alternative to the counting of ballots gathered through a fair election via the democratic process to confirm a member of the Democratic party was voted in as President of the United States by their fellow citizens to the point where trashing government property and forcing the entirety of the Congress and Senate to evacuate the premises was considered the most sane and rational response to an opposing party winning an election, and I realise this was really immature of me to say, like, there are two sides to every story, and I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions, even though I wasn’t really involved in the protests.
I’m sorry to everyone I hurt, like on that update post I only got one like on like the post, and like I usually get like two likes, sometimes three, and it’s like that’s when I knew I, uh, made a mistake. I knew something went wrong there when I only got one like, and I’m disappointed the Froge Gang didn’t back me up on that one, and I got some flak for making that Hangover, they called me nitpicking and biased because I only looked at one side of the story, and you know I don’t have anything against the protestors, I’m sure some of them are very good people, you had some very bad people in that group, but you also had people that were very fine people, on both sides, and it’s really not fair to criticise like some of the protestors just because they got a little excited, you can’t really make fun of an entire group because some of them turned violent, and I’m sorry, like I try not to get political but I do have my opinions, and I really think some of the flak they got was because they’re White people, and you know White men in particular aren’t really the most advantageous group in the world, so I think some of the haters are really the real extremists here.
And I’m sorry I didn’t, you know look at things objectively, like I didn’t go past the official narrative of what happened that day, you know the Democrats are always putting the spin on things, and I think the mainstream media doesn’t really inform you of everything, you need to know the right people to keep up on politics, and I think these left-wing newspapers are a little biased against conservative interests, but again I try not to get political, and I think the Froge Gang knows I always keep things fair and balanced on this blog, like I think those protesters felt they didn’t think they had a platform to express themselves, so that’s why some of them got a little passionate. And you know these Antifa guys are really the real thugs here, like it was obvious some of them were in that protest to stir the pot a little, and I think that calling yourselves anti-fascists despite, you know being fascists is a little dishonest, and I think they’re always trying to censor everything, so that’s why the patriots in those protests were trying to challenge the official narrative and just have their say, I mean the election was obviously stolen anyway, so what does it matter?
Anyway I think I said my piece with this Hangover, obviously some of the snowflakes in the Froge Gang are going to be upset to hear this, again I’m always trying to stay politically neutral, it’s just like the White man is always at risk of going extinct at any time now, and you know the media cartel erected by these international bankers are always censoring White interests in favour of these, uh, illegal immigrants who are against our race, and bringing in a guy like Donald Trump is securing the existence of our people and a future for White children, I really admire him and everything he’s done for this country, and that’s why I’m happy those proud Aryans are overthrowing the deep state just like Q said, like all those Democrats are Satanic pedophiles anyway, so I’m disappointed the three-percenters didn’t kill all those race traitors and string them up from the balconies, which they should have done with those Black Lives Matter terrorists, like the fucking niggers they are.
UNDERTALE FUCKING SUCKS
As I alluded in my Solstice Hangover, I was preparing a great big year-end review list of all the best games and-or not-games I graciously consoomed over the past year, in addition to all the worst games, because there is a ying to every yang and two shoes on each other foot. If you’re wondering how a game can simultaneously not be a game, there are plenty of idle games out there for people who want the illusion of progress without the associated lifelong benefits of learning anything interesting. You know, like Cookie Clicker. Or RuneScape. By the way Cookie Clicker and RuneScape aren’t on the reviews. I’m sure Chekov is grabbing his gun right now and preparing to hold me hostage, ready to ding me across the head like a CinemaSins reviewer. “The characters in this movie mention these games in passing, yet they are never mentioned again. I guess the writers were too lazy to fix that plothole!”. DING.
So I’m saying the list is here. It’s ready. It’s been ready since January 6, but then domestic terrorists stormed the USA Capitol and attempted an armed insurrection against a democratically-elected party after being urged to riot by an authoritarian president in the final two weeks of his tenure, and, you know, how am I going to not write about that? Since this is the USA we’re talking about, they’ll forget about it in a week then blame video games and pornography for corrupting the children who would do something as naughty as enact a literal fucking coup. Remember when some dude shot 500 people in Las Vegas, then literally nothing changed? George Orwell remarked that humans are psychologically predisposed to supporting authoritarian actions and their own self-destruction so long as it satisfies their primal need for violence against fellow man. Despite living in a civilised country built off the backs of civilised men, there exist animals among us who rebel against the comforts brought to them, and wish for everyone who partakes in them to die:
“[Hitler] has grasped the falsity of the hedonistic attitude to life. Nearly all western thought since the last war, certainly all ‘progressive’ thought, has assumed tacitly that human beings desire nothing beyond ease, security, and avoidance of pain. In such a view of life there is no room, for instance, for patriotism and the military virtues. The Socialist who finds his children playing with soldiers is usually upset, but he is never able to think of a substitute for the tin soldiers; tin pacifists somehow won’t do. Hitler, because in his own joyless mind he feels it with exceptional strength, knows that human beings don’t only want comfort, safety, short working-hours, hygiene, birth-control and, in general, common sense; they also, at least intermittently, want struggle and self-sacrifice, not to mention drums, flags and loyalty-parades. However they may be as economic theories, Fascism and Nazism are psychologically far sounder than any hedonistic conception of life. The same is probably true of Stalin’s militarised version of Socialism. All three of the great dictators have enhanced their power by imposing intolerable burdens on their peoples. Whereas Socialism, and even capitalism in a grudging way, have said to people ‘I offer you a good time,’ Hitler has said to them ‘I offer you struggle, danger and death,’ and as a result a whole nation flings itself at his feet”.
So that’s how we get the literal fucking coup, and that’s how those Nazi bastards interrupted my article publication, which is more important than the United States being overthrown into a fascist dictatorship. More than usual.
Still, we got a really great show for you tonight, or to-morning, or to-mid-afternoon-in-that-weird-period-after-lunch-but-before-dinner-which-douglas-adams-wrote-a-whole-book-about-it’s-called-the-long-dark-tea-time-of-the-soul-you-should-read-it-if-you-like-his-other-works-i-mean-dirk-gently-got-a-damn-netflix-series-and-you-bitches-are-always-complaining-about-movies-never-matching-the-books-so-read-the-damn-books-or-don’t-that’s-not-my-problem, and I think it’s pretty ambitious compared to my prior works. It’s 23,000 words of non-stop bitching about comics, cartoons, and games, and having released a novella’s worth of complaints about children’s media, I can finally cap myself and gain entrance into Nerd Heaven alongside notorious YouTube reviewer RebelTaxi, who launched his YouTube channel off being I’m the Greatest SUPERMAN 64 Player of All Time, and has recently harassed an alternate-universe clone of himself who went on to create The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy about farming tomatoes and the names of tomatoes and whether they’ll reboot tomatoes and going into a crisis about wasting your life by the time you’re 30. That sounds mundane, but rest assured there’s plenty of sexual harassment, impromptu abortions, and Fortnite race wars to cover.
So here it is: “The 2020 Frogesay Really Heckin’ Arbitrary Game Awards!”. Please ignore the swear words and occasional pony ass; this is a very serious awards ceremony with only slightly more dead whores than usual. My estranged fictional brother also makes an appearance, and we even cap off with a review of Undertale 2 [NOT CLICKBAIT]. This is quite possibly the single best thing I have ever written in my entire life, even better than the writing in Undertale 2, and what I’m trying to say is all my other articles are diarrhea dogshit surgically extracted out of a canine’s putrid asshole, and that UNDERTALE SUCKS DICK.
See you next week.
Donald Trump has been Impeached TWICE!
But that’s not important, so let’s talk about the state of my blog. Remember when I said I would publish e-books of all my writings? That was funny! That was a joke!
That wasn’t a joke. Like all good plans my intentions of finishing them were half-assed, and like all bad plans they have been ignored in favoured of prioritising other pursuits. You can understand how writing a 6,000 word history on Tumblr, then a 27,000 word history of 4chan, and most recently a 23,000 word recap of everything I watched in 2020, would all put a damper on any concurrent efforts to read, copy, edit, format, analyse, and then write postmortem reflections on work I already created and have postmortemly reflected upon over the past five years of Froge’s existence. Considering I have less than five months before leaving for even-more-less-green pastures, I don’t look forward to masturbatorily obsessing over my work more than I already do, and creating a reflection of all of Froge’s work when I’m still in the process of writing all of Froge’s work seems premature indeed. That’s a masturbation pun. That’s the type of shit I expected to reflect on.
For those of you who aren’t caught up on the Froge Lore, I am fucking dying. On May 20, 2021, I am burying myself and no longer writing anything under the Froge persona, whether on Neocities or otherwise. The Froge name will be dead, and there will be no connection between everything he has done and everything that I, the occasionally-proud father of the name, will do in the future. It’s irrelevant to speculate what I will do, or claim to do, or even desire doing. I’ll be dead. Nothing, nothing, nothing will concern you from that point on, and nothing, nothing, nothing will be produced in any form under the name. I have 900,000 words in my archives, more than some actual authors write in their entire lives, and you will make do with what I’ve produced — the good, the bad, and the unfunny. Like all deaths, I’m sure to have some regrets, whining even one foot in the grave about how I never lived my life to its full potential. But then it doesn’t matter. Because I’ll be dead.
I will not be deleting my work from the Internet, because it would be meaningless on a technical level due to my exhaustive efforts to archive every one of my works, and on an emotional level it would not resolve the shame every artist feels when looking back on their old work, since that will always exist and deleting your old work in an attempt to assuage your inferiority complex is a fool’s errand that only damages your congregation of graverobbers picking through the scraps of your soon-to-be-ancient work. Because some people out here are willing to delete their work at the slightest provocatation, I will also make a cursory effort to archive any external links all my works have featured, in order to maintain a cohesive, though incomplete archive of my citations and inspirations. Although, given my five years long career and many, many references to independent artists who are notoriously bad at organising and refactoring their work, my efforts will never be wholly complete. As much as we make efforts to save what we enjoy, some things slip through the cracks, and every time an artist deletes their Fur Affinity profile, God kills a kitten. An anthropomorphic kitten. With tits.
I’ll still publish some of my old crap. It feels like I’ve been publishing some of my old crap since 2019, but since I only have five months to make it happen, I’ll make haste. I will also update my 27,000 word history of 4chan, since fellow Neocities user “lolwut” just had to open his fucking mouth. “Thoughts on Froge’s ‘4chan: A Song of Kek and Cringe’”. An 8,000 word response article to an article he asked me to write, and is now apparently asking me to rewrite. You could have let me be wrong. You could have let the article lie. Instead you make fun of me. You humiliate me. You cyberbully me — on the Internet, no less! There’s nothing more I can say to this online harassment. I have been defeated, and I have no value in my life because someone created a detailed and reasonable article of objective criticisms of a topic they are an expert in, and because of this I will now delete my online account, and then immediately recreate my account to create thinly-veiled fetish art of Sonic characters. My Sonic OC will be named “Alfred the Hedgehog”, who possesses a black belt in karate, plays basketball and baseball, and goes around solving mysteries with the assistance of his fellow woodland creatures while getting into fights along the way. Wait, what the fuck —
Alright, I’ve said all my plans. Unlike all my other plans, I actually have a hope of completing them. In the interest of national security, I ask that you keep them a secret between us, and to tell nobody else about my Sonic OCs, lest they be stolen and used for erotic roleplay, despite specifically asking on my DeviantART profile for them NOT to be used for roleplay, because Alfred is very specifically MY spirit animal, and nobody else! I may lose all my friends, but I don’t need real people. I have my imaginary friends written all across my fanfiction.net account, like Hobbes from Calvin, or Jesus from Bible. That’s right Twily, we don’t need those filthy humans. Now let’s all wash our hooves of this illogical situation, and go out for some frosty chocolate milkshakes riding our robot rainbow unicorns in Michael Jackson’s mansion on the dark side of the moon, under the sea…